Sunday, January 22, 2006

Joe Bloggs' closing down sale. 

Everything must go! The stupid jokes, the funny stories, the inane comments, the sheer idiocy ...

There will be no more Joe Bloggs after today.

However, I will continue to blog as kitchen hand here. Come on over.

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Thursday, January 12, 2006

I didn't think it were possible to laugh like a maniac and have sex at the same time. 

I was wrong.

I wonder what they're thinking?

Maybe that they might fall out of the tree.

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Mad math. 

He should concentrate on his bike riding more.

It's crazy out there. North Carlton to St Kilda is straight through the CBD. He'll get knocked over. All that gazing about associating numbers with places.

"Uh, 2150 - the Shrine. 2151, tramstop 24. 2152, that imitation Rodin statue outside 464 St Kilda Rod. 2153, Wesley College."

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Just don't lose count ... 

Some guys with WAY too much time on their hands have discovered the highest prime number yet, a prime number divisible only by itself and one.

It's a big number. It has 9.1 million digits.

I tried to work out how long it would take you to count up to that number.

I allowed a second to enunciate numbers 1-1000, a couple of seconds for 1000-1,000,000, five seconds for a million through to the hundred millions. At this stage we are still talking just nine digits. Multiply that by a million. Five million seconds to read ONLY the VERY last number in the sequence. That's 57.8 days.

That's when I stopped trying to work it out.

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Thursday, December 15, 2005

What will be on my turntable on Christmas Day? 

Well, the turntable in the microwave will probably have a turkey and some roast vegetables on it, but right now I'm talking record turntables. Or CDs.

Jaden Kale has 'tagged' me with the Christmas music 'meme'. I do like a good questionnaire and I PARTICULARLY like music and I ESPECIALLY like Christmas, so I got into this with great alacrity, which is not what I usually get into things with.

Good King Wenceslaus.
All my childhood Christmases occured during summer heatwaves in a sunburned land characterised by wildfire, burning northerly winds and duststorms. So all those songs about cold and snow and fir trees and medieval kings fascinated me and took me away into a faraway land. Here is a song written in 1853 in Britain by an Anglican minister about a duke who gave to the poor in Bohemia a thousand years earlier, to teach children about the virtue of generosity in celebrating the birth of a Jewish child in Bethlehem another thousand years earlier - listened to by a marvelling child in twentieth century Australia. Like a beautiful woven gown circling the world with goodwill down the ages, this song says something about Christmas. And about goodwill to all men. Listen up, bad world.

O Come All Ye Faithful.
As a child I used to think it was O Calm All Ye Faithful and I would think to myself Why are they telling everybody to relax? Maybe it's because tomorrow is Christmas and everyone is getting WAY too excited! Like me!

Silent Night.
This is (a) the most recorded song in history; (b) the most famous of all the Christmas hymns and (c) exists because of a broken organ in a little parish in the little alpine village of Oberndorf in 1818. The priest, Father Mohr asked his friend, Dr Gruber to compose some words for a poem to be sung with accompanying guitar because the organ had broken down. Dr Gruber did so in time for midnight mass. For me, the gentle lilt and simple melody of Silent Night is quintessentially Austrian.

Away in a Manger
Just because it is a sweet song, poignant, naive and beautiful. Children love it and it was the first Christmas song I learned, as far as I can remember.

Ave Maria sung by Kiri Te Kanawa.
Find a copy of this, settle back on Christmas Eve, put the kids to bed, put the dog out, turn off the TV, turn off everything else, disable the front door bell, take the phone off the hook, turn down the lights and listen. If tears of joy are not running down your cheeks by the end, then you've already died and gone to heaven. On second thoughts, let the dog stay inside and listen with you.


Now it's my turn to 'tag' Mary, Book Kitten, Boo, Ian T., Filegirl and Prestbury.

I hope that:
(a) you are not offended if I tagged you, and
(b) you are not offended if I have not tagged you.

I love all of you anyway.

Especially at Christmas.

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

This is fun. Uh, oh. 

Yesterday Uluru, tomorrow the world. (See two posts down - Earth google.)

But today, we'll visit one of my favourite places, the Murray River - the water of which flows from the Australian high country and then winds its way down towards South Australia through endless vibrant landscapes with the kind of light that is seen nowhere else in the world, past endless River Red Gums, beneath red cliffs, alongside camping grounds that are thousands of years old and hold the bones and shells of a million dinners under bright moonlight. (I've camped by it myself and watched a moon rising like a giant white luminous plate and I will never forget it.)

OK, now let's go. Key 'Murray River Australia' into Earth Google.



It's locking onto where? That's nowhere near Australia. We're in the middle of North America. It looks like ... Kansas City.

Zoom in. It looks like a new suburb, all curly courts and unfinished houses.

We're lost, Toto.

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Another day, another moron goes to the zoo; gets finger bitten off; calls for more safety; zoo installs electric fences to shock lions. 

Can you believe this?

Just because some idiot woman stuck her stupid hand near the lion, the zoo has caved in and installed electric fences inside the enclosure which will shock the lions (just an 'unpleasant buzzing sensation', said the zoo).

A letter writer in the same paper says the electric fence should be on the outside of the lion's enclosure. Proving that there are still some sane people in the world.

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

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