Monday, May 23, 2005

An old book. 

Some books just disappear.

I found one in a musty old secondhand bookshop in Sorrento.

A Man About a Dog by Alec Coppel, first published in London 1947 during the austerity years: 'THIS BOOK IS PRODUCED IN COMPLETE CONFORMITY WITH THE AUTHORIZED ECONOMY STANDARDS'.

It's quite the comedy to begin with. It's all couched in theatrical language:

'Clive is married, and his wife's name is Storm - Storm Riordan.

Storm is beautiful and two-faced.

But we'll come to Storm later. More about Clive, first.'

Clive, a psychiatrist, decides to murder his wife's lover.

Storm has a very cute Scottie dog, Montgomery:

'Montgomery was quite a lad. Jet black, relieved only by that flash of Scarlet tongue, as worn by all the best Scotties, slightly protruding through the teeth.'

Clive catches Storm and Bill, her lover, after the act. Storm storms off and Clive orders Bill under gunpoint to follow him ... to a place whose location is not revealed, where Clive retains Bill via an ankle chain. For some months, until speculation about his disappearance dies down.

It's getting rather macabre.

Clive has an idea for a perfect murder. An acid bath.

He tries it out.

On Montgomery.

Then ... he puts it into human practice.

On Bill.

When Storm taunts him about having taken a further three lovers, Clive triumphantly confesses his crime to Storm and produces Bill's teeth - his only remains - on a string, placing it around her neck. Shortly after, Clive discovers a hidden microphone and believes his game is up.

Thinking he is about to be arrested, Clive adds the contents of three bulging hot water bottles - the remaining acid (to which rubber is impervious but human flesh melts instantly) to Storm's bath.

The book is almost at an end when Storm drops her negligee to the floor and poses one naked leg over the bath, about to step in.

And then a bell rings downstairs ...

is it time for a nap yet? i think so

im still laughing about the rev your red shampoo :)
It's slowly fading back to it's normal state, Thisgirl!
hee! wonder if my library carries that? =:'-D
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