joe bloggs

Not that I read the personals beyond occasional morbid curiosity, they're a bit sad really, but have you ever noticed how people completely oversell themselves in these ads? 'Good sense of humour', 'bubbly personality' - all that kind of thing.

The trick, of course, is to undersell yourself:

Description: Short, fat man with absolutely no sense of humour seeks stunning female. I have no money, no fashion sense and no hair. Profession: None. I despise career-people, they bore me to tears. Ambition is mankind's very worst trait. People should stay home and mind their own business. All this going to work every day nonsense is a capitalist plot. Pastimes: I sit in my quite comfortable lounge room, and occasionally in the back garden if the sun's out. I despise picnics and detest the cinema, especially tedious movies that run over ninety minutes. I also hate parties. Why would anyone invite a houseful of boorish people over to shout inanities at each other and then play loud music at the same time? Hobbies: Hobbies are for children. However, I occasionally count the aeroplanes that fly over my house. Habits: I smoke and drink, often at once: it saves time. Car: I catch the bus. Parking is a bastard. Give me a call if you're interested. Note: genuine enquiries only please.


There, that's better. Sure to work a treat. I should run it one day.



is it time for a nap yet? i think so