joe bloggs

Who decided the full stops were going to be called 'dot'?

And why? If it was for reasons of brevity, why did they go and choose the longest letter for the domain - 'doubleyou, doubleyou, doubleyou'? Huh?

Why not 'eee', standing for 'Earth's Electronic Encyclopedia'? Or 'iii' for 'Intercontinental Information Interchange'. Or even 'ccc' for 'Complicated Communication Channel'?

And why do people keep repeating 'doubleyou, doubleyou, doubleyou' when stating a web address? Isn't it a given? It's like saying 'Earth' on the end of your home address like we used to do as kids.

Maybe it's time to break the unwieldy 'www' monopoly.

How about mmm.chocolate.com, sss.reptiles.com and zzz.beds.com?

iii.me.com?

rrr.tiger.com?

yyy.questions.com?









is it time for a nap yet? i think so

You get 246,000,000 results in 0.10 seconds.

Just thought I'd let all my readers know what I do with my day.





is it time for a nap yet? i think so

I just bought the entire Potter series in a boxed set.

It is some of the best writing in the English language. Spare, perfectly observed, dramatic and sometimes frightening; yet containing a sense of the everyday that has never failed to enthrall generations of children.

And their parents, like me.

No, not that Potter.

This Potter.





is it time for a nap yet? i think so

This guy's chickens are disturbing the neighbours.

Doesn't he know chickens only come from Red Rooster* or the deep freeze section in the supermarket?

He probably even eats their eggs.

(*Read about my Red Rooster incident here.)











is it time for a nap yet? i think so

They're coming to the Zoo soon.

Animal activists oppose the importation of these gentle Heydy-Hos.

'Animal welfare groups, including the RSPCA and the International Fund for Animal Welfare, are bitterly opposed to the importation. They claim the elephants should be left in their country of origin, and have threatened to go to the courts to block the arrival. More than 52,000 postcards were sent to the senator's office protesting against the importation.'

I can see their point, but are they really better off in their own countries?

They'll be treated humanely in the Zoo, of course, if 'humanely' includes having thousands of shrieking bad-mannered children throwing peanuts and screaming at them.











is it time for a nap yet? i think so

1. Write one.

2. Make sure your name is J. K. Rowling.





is it time for a nap yet? i think so

I'll start now. Let's see how long it takes.

a One of many, as against 'the'; denoting someone anonymous or with derision, as against someone famous or held in high regard - 'there's a joe bloggs at the door, anyone know 'im?' as against 'the blogger joe bloggs attended a cocktail party at which he talked about weblogs with the prime minister'.

aardvark Long-snouted african ant-eating animal. Famous aardvarks include Arthur, a children's character and Ethel, who went quantity surveying in a Monty Python sketch.

aargh Yell of pain, shock or extreme frustration - as in 'Aargh! I've lost my entire post!'

aback One of those odd words that means nothing on its own and only has meaning with a 'twin' word - in this case, 'take', which produces the meaning 'to shock'. Hence: 'Joe Bloggs was quite taken aback when he found that the Herald Sun had dropped Fred Bassett.'

abacus Counting machine invented millions of years old and still not bettered.

abaft In or below the stern of a ship. Often shortened to 'aft', obviously because when the wind and spume is in your teeth you don't have the luxury of two syllables.

abracadabra Exclamatory word used by conjurers in lame movies and pantomimes. (See: Hey, Presto!)

*

This could take a while. Maybe I'll leave out some of the more boring letters and call it The English Dictionary of A, B, C, D, F, H, I, J, K, N, O, Q, S, X and Y.

Well, it's different. Other dictionaries are all the same - where's the interest?




is it time for a nap yet? i think so

When I was about five years old, I saw a shop with the title Coin Laundry. I asked my father if they washed money in there and he said yes.

My father always encouraged my misconceptions.

We lived near two racecourses. There were always large trucks ferrying magnificent racehorses in and out. (I was familiar with horses as both the baker and the milkman drove Clydesdales up our street.) The racehorse trucks bore the words Caution Horses. I asked my father what caution horses were. He told me they were a special breed of horses that were very careful about their manners.

Then there were the churches. They all had their signs: Anglican Church, Methodist Church, Presbyterian Church, Catholic Church, Baptist Church, etc. On the approach to a church on a particularly busy road there was a street sign which read Silence Church. I asked my father - he told me all the people who went to that church were never allowed to speak. Ever.







is it time for a nap yet? i think so

It's just that today, I called someone and got their voicemail.

Instead of saying 'Leave a message', it said 'Leave a comment'.






is it time for a nap yet? i think so

The Herald Sun dropped Fred Bassett.

I complained.

Now they have returned it. A par in today's print edition advises, 'Man's best friend Fred Bassett has found his way back home to the Herald Sun.' And there he is on page 65.

You can thank me, Fred Bassett fans.

(PS: The Herald Sun announcement also boasts that the cartoon is now in colour. I preferred black and white because the muddy colour detracts from those fine lines. Should I complain again? Or would that be TOO picky?)








is it time for a nap yet? i think so

Most people wouldn't have known there were only nine left anyway.

Now they're down to eight.

Time for a new name.

The Eight Large Rocks? The Eight Pieces of Granite?

How about Eight on Great?

Hmm. Maybe not.

Maybe we'll just stick with the original title. After all, the orginal apostles died one by one, didn't they?










is it time for a nap yet? i think so

When a linked blogger stops blogging (see post of 6/29 - there are no permalinks), do you remove his link from your sidebar? Or keep it there? If so, for how long?

Or would removing the link be like taking books down from the library shelves once an author stops writing?

Life has just too many damn questions.



is it time for a nap yet? i think so